My original blog shouts out for me to see,
"En route to reach Simple Minds, Don't You Forget About Me!"
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Monday, November 14, 2011
Therapy
How on Earth did I end up here
And when did I become we
For a minute there I lost myself
On the search to set my soul free
Sweet baby face, innocent smile
But little do they know
I got visions in my head
All around poppin' off
Hearts on sleeves bare arms
Like a gun show
Walking past cars
I daydream like Walter Mitty
Alter ego wishing I could hot wire
I just need to unload
Before I explode
Cool on the surface
But inside I'm on fire
So the economy
Has now brought me
Back to pens, papers,shows and notebooks
I contact Avatar
Who is far from subpar
Cause he's sick
With the verses and hooks
The fears I now face
Take my foot off homebase
Break the government's grip
Dispose of my whole case
The change I can taste
Stuck here in this space
Livin' like a nomad
Movin' from place to place
Catch me if you can
Cause I'm writin' bad checks
Try to pinpoint the moment
It became so complex
I tell my MD
I got ADHD
Cause I attempted college once
And one attempt became three
So forgive me - cause I can't be
Stuck in this institution
Cause either the classes are super mundane
Or it's me who is just simply dumb
A square peg stuck in a round whole
My nature not a competitive one
And what I left with didn't amount to the sum
Of the debt that I couldn't outrun
In constant transtition
But going nowhere
I could give you my all
Or shut down and not care
I dissect what reflects
From the mirror I stare
My therapy is the stage
When I leave my soul there
And when did I become we
For a minute there I lost myself
On the search to set my soul free
Sweet baby face, innocent smile
But little do they know
I got visions in my head
All around poppin' off
Hearts on sleeves bare arms
Like a gun show
Walking past cars
I daydream like Walter Mitty
Alter ego wishing I could hot wire
I just need to unload
Before I explode
Cool on the surface
But inside I'm on fire
So the economy
Has now brought me
Back to pens, papers,shows and notebooks
I contact Avatar
Who is far from subpar
Cause he's sick
With the verses and hooks
The fears I now face
Take my foot off homebase
Break the government's grip
Dispose of my whole case
The change I can taste
Stuck here in this space
Livin' like a nomad
Movin' from place to place
Catch me if you can
Cause I'm writin' bad checks
Try to pinpoint the moment
It became so complex
I tell my MD
I got ADHD
Cause I attempted college once
And one attempt became three
So forgive me - cause I can't be
Stuck in this institution
Cause either the classes are super mundane
Or it's me who is just simply dumb
A square peg stuck in a round whole
My nature not a competitive one
And what I left with didn't amount to the sum
Of the debt that I couldn't outrun
In constant transtition
But going nowhere
I could give you my all
Or shut down and not care
I dissect what reflects
From the mirror I stare
My therapy is the stage
When I leave my soul there
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
S.O.S. (Save Our Sick)
So no one really wants to talk about mental illness-which should now just be considered to be moments of the human condition, for we've all had our moments of mental imbalance. The details there after make all the difference.
Yesterday for maybe the tenth time, six of which I've documented, I had to call the police on my child's father. This unfortunate event has occurred so often due to the fact that he is mentally ill and not medicated. I am not a nurse so even after all these years, I do not know how I'm supposed to deal with him, raise our child AND keep up my own mental health. Anyone who has experienced this or anything close to this, knows that it is very easy to get sucked into their circle of irrational dialogue.
Yesterday I called 911 four times and two hours later after my initial call, they showed up. By then I was in the shower and missed them but made it crystal clear that I could have been dead by then. No worries, no violence is involved. It's the principal.
Anyway, I will spare the details of my last four years but needless to say, if I am continually calling 5-0, I feel I've exhausted all possibilities. I've experienced dealing with mental illness in two different states and took note of the similar ways in which the severely mental ill are handled:
1)The police come
2)They put the patient in the back of the car
3)Drive them to the hospital
4)The hospital releases the patient
5)...And the patient ends up right back in front of your doorstep that night or the
next day, banging on your door, disturbing you and your neighbors.
6)And the cycle begins all over again.
My questions are:
Whose job is it to make sure that the extremely uncooperative patient/loved one takes their medication consistently?
Whose job is it to take care of the family member(s)who are attempting to help that individual?
I've had a cop say, "well he says you have issues too"
I've had one cop tell me "It's not his fault he's crazy" and had that same cop tell me "well I'm not going to take him BACK to the hospital if he was already there today"
Really??? Hmmmm...So now I've decided to publicize the matter before it gets worse. I personally know people who are experiencing this in one way or another and are at their wits end as well. It is not fair to anyone in the situation and for the record, I too could be considered a sick and have experienced my own bouts.
I have started a new Facebook page (yes, my fourth page)called S.O.S.(Save Our Sick). Please feel free to like, comment, give advice or share any connections that will help myself and the millions of others going through this. I was blessed with some information today and was referred to a group called NAMI and The Mobile Crisis Center. I found them to be extremely comforting. Finally someone actually understood that it is NOT only the severely mentally ill patient who is suffering.
Yesterday for maybe the tenth time, six of which I've documented, I had to call the police on my child's father. This unfortunate event has occurred so often due to the fact that he is mentally ill and not medicated. I am not a nurse so even after all these years, I do not know how I'm supposed to deal with him, raise our child AND keep up my own mental health. Anyone who has experienced this or anything close to this, knows that it is very easy to get sucked into their circle of irrational dialogue.
Yesterday I called 911 four times and two hours later after my initial call, they showed up. By then I was in the shower and missed them but made it crystal clear that I could have been dead by then. No worries, no violence is involved. It's the principal.
Anyway, I will spare the details of my last four years but needless to say, if I am continually calling 5-0, I feel I've exhausted all possibilities. I've experienced dealing with mental illness in two different states and took note of the similar ways in which the severely mental ill are handled:
1)The police come
2)They put the patient in the back of the car
3)Drive them to the hospital
4)The hospital releases the patient
5)...And the patient ends up right back in front of your doorstep that night or the
next day, banging on your door, disturbing you and your neighbors.
6)And the cycle begins all over again.
My questions are:
Whose job is it to make sure that the extremely uncooperative patient/loved one takes their medication consistently?
Whose job is it to take care of the family member(s)who are attempting to help that individual?
I've had a cop say, "well he says you have issues too"
I've had one cop tell me "It's not his fault he's crazy" and had that same cop tell me "well I'm not going to take him BACK to the hospital if he was already there today"
Really??? Hmmmm...So now I've decided to publicize the matter before it gets worse. I personally know people who are experiencing this in one way or another and are at their wits end as well. It is not fair to anyone in the situation and for the record, I too could be considered a sick and have experienced my own bouts.
I have started a new Facebook page (yes, my fourth page)called S.O.S.(Save Our Sick). Please feel free to like, comment, give advice or share any connections that will help myself and the millions of others going through this. I was blessed with some information today and was referred to a group called NAMI and The Mobile Crisis Center. I found them to be extremely comforting. Finally someone actually understood that it is NOT only the severely mentally ill patient who is suffering.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Redemption Blog: A Long Overdue Letter to You
This entry is dedicated to the people in my life that were there for me when I was losing it, breaking down and going through it. I have the tendency to get trapped in my own mind and forget that every single being on this planet is going through their own struggle. Why you were there for me I don't know especially with me being so self indulgent, drowning in my own misery.
Nancy Accomando comes to mind first. I met her when I was 16 and although we had CRAZY fun experimenting with beers and cloves and roaming around the neighborhood late at night-this lady was there for me when I would go months without talking to her because I was depressed. Needless to say Nancy is now clear across the country and we now remain facebook friends. I love you NanYann.
Nicole Betancourt is another friend (who is actually the GodMother of my only child). She is the most balanced fair human being I know and I just want to apologize for the scare I gave you in 2004. Thank you for saving my life...literally and for continuing to be there for us.
To Phyllis and Theresa Edwards. My sisters. You've given me enough comic relief and moral support for a few more life times. We are sisters. Arguments, disagreements and all.
Angelica. I love you. You are the ride or die chick for real. I know for sure you will ALWAYS be my friend and ALWAYS keep it real.
Chandra-you remember things about me that I don't even remember. Your heart is like no other and you deserve nothing but the best in this life. Always a source of positivity and inspiration. Thank you for not judging me. That's important. I'm so happy we are still in eachother's lives.
Aimee-you taught me more than you will ever know. I remember in 4th Grade when I was forever gettin' mad at you and one day you just straight flipped it and was like-"screw that-stay mad-I don't care"-and I was like "what the h*ll is going on??? Naturally I started asking you to be my friend again! LOL! That was the first time I experienced the "ya don't miss a good thing 'til it's gone" thing. I love you. Thank you for that lesson...and for staying real and being such a cheerleader for my art. The poetry, the photography. I know we'll be friends always.
And to you Kishonda-girl you are family. We've known eachother since before we started school and it is a blessing to still have you in my life. You inspire me more than you'll ever know.
Lisa Teti!!!! Congratulations on your beautiful baby. I can explain how happy I am to have you back in my life. Please know that I am here for you like you have been here for me. You've been through so much in this past year. You are so beautiful and I know--FOR A FACT that no matter how many years go by-we can begin where we left off.
To everyone in my past-present-and future friends and family. Forgive Me for not being a good friend all the time. I am in constant transition, trying to better myself. I withdrew and withdraw as a defense mechanism and am working on that. Thank you for being my therapy. I wish you would all feel free to call me when you are going through it yourself so we can be sources of inpiration for eachother.
To all the people who did not get a personal shout out. You are not forgotten at all. I just know these ladies deserve to hear this. we've been through alot. Together and apart.
I TRULY LOVE YOU. Thank you for being my friend-even when I didn't deserve it.
Nancy Accomando comes to mind first. I met her when I was 16 and although we had CRAZY fun experimenting with beers and cloves and roaming around the neighborhood late at night-this lady was there for me when I would go months without talking to her because I was depressed. Needless to say Nancy is now clear across the country and we now remain facebook friends. I love you NanYann.
Nicole Betancourt is another friend (who is actually the GodMother of my only child). She is the most balanced fair human being I know and I just want to apologize for the scare I gave you in 2004. Thank you for saving my life...literally and for continuing to be there for us.
To Phyllis and Theresa Edwards. My sisters. You've given me enough comic relief and moral support for a few more life times. We are sisters. Arguments, disagreements and all.
Angelica. I love you. You are the ride or die chick for real. I know for sure you will ALWAYS be my friend and ALWAYS keep it real.
Chandra-you remember things about me that I don't even remember. Your heart is like no other and you deserve nothing but the best in this life. Always a source of positivity and inspiration. Thank you for not judging me. That's important. I'm so happy we are still in eachother's lives.
Aimee-you taught me more than you will ever know. I remember in 4th Grade when I was forever gettin' mad at you and one day you just straight flipped it and was like-"screw that-stay mad-I don't care"-and I was like "what the h*ll is going on??? Naturally I started asking you to be my friend again! LOL! That was the first time I experienced the "ya don't miss a good thing 'til it's gone" thing. I love you. Thank you for that lesson...and for staying real and being such a cheerleader for my art. The poetry, the photography. I know we'll be friends always.
And to you Kishonda-girl you are family. We've known eachother since before we started school and it is a blessing to still have you in my life. You inspire me more than you'll ever know.
Lisa Teti!!!! Congratulations on your beautiful baby. I can explain how happy I am to have you back in my life. Please know that I am here for you like you have been here for me. You've been through so much in this past year. You are so beautiful and I know--FOR A FACT that no matter how many years go by-we can begin where we left off.
To everyone in my past-present-and future friends and family. Forgive Me for not being a good friend all the time. I am in constant transition, trying to better myself. I withdrew and withdraw as a defense mechanism and am working on that. Thank you for being my therapy. I wish you would all feel free to call me when you are going through it yourself so we can be sources of inpiration for eachother.
To all the people who did not get a personal shout out. You are not forgotten at all. I just know these ladies deserve to hear this. we've been through alot. Together and apart.
I TRULY LOVE YOU. Thank you for being my friend-even when I didn't deserve it.
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